Let me explain...No there is too much, let me sum up.

• DISNEY WAS SO INCREDIBLE AND AMAZING AND EVERYTHING I WANTED IT TO BE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S OVER AND I HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST TWO MORE YEARS TO GO BACK HOW SHALL I GO ON

• Real life is just....happening!! The house is sold and we are moving in 10 days! (always a countdown to something). I'm going back to my parents house ($rentfree$) and Nina will seclude herself in a Crystal City apartment until she absolutely positively has to move back home. 
• Work is...actually going pretty well. We've got a new kid and a new IA, which should be making me more stressed than I am, but it's not! Our new IA is awesome, she's doing great and she's a lot of fun to work with. The new kid is adjusting, I think! He's still young, just 2, but he's got some language and eye contact. Most of our difficulties at the present are just typical 2-year-old things: doesn't want to listen, doesn't want to sit (who does?). But we'll get there.
• School is thankfully winding down for the semester. I've got two final papers to turn in, but one of them is graded by a really easy professor and the other one is only 8 pages so that's like (pft!) I can write that in my sleep. 
• I made the mistake of pulling out my mission journal the other day while I was packing/organizing and I started reading it and got about halfway through before I just started bawling everywhere and ugh. Made me want to keep a journal about the good times in my life, so here I am! Happiness all around :)

Make the world a better place...

So since my last post was all about not-reality, lets try to switch it up.

I mean, don't think that the crush has passed, cause oh. my. goodness. i have problems.

But yes, the real world.

It is the time of IEPs. IEPs everywhere, all the time. I actually sat down with our SLP and write out an IEP on Monday for a transitioning students and it was kinda of thrilling. I mean, terrifying of course, but thrilling too. I kept saying "Can I do that?' and she was like "You're the teacher, you can do whatever you want!" How scary is that? I have power....PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER.

Our ABA coach came today and asked about staffing for next year and I was like "OMG PLEASE FIND MY ANNOYING IA A TEACHING JOB SO HE CAN LEAVE." And she was like "No problem." ::angelic choir::

Disney in one week!!!!! I'm afraid I'm just going to be exhausted on the vacation and I'm not sure how to fix that. Just gotta remember to enjoy the moments while I'm in them, no matter how tired I am.

Always in the back of my mind is this uncertainty about the next two years with my parents leaving on their mission and my sister and her family moving and no one (so far) to take care of my little brother except for me...and what am I supposed to do? The other night while I was praying about it, i thought "I could just quit my job for two years and take care of my brother. I could do that. I could finish my Masters, maybe even get a second degree and licence, go back to work when my parents get home in a job that I like even better...." That thought is still kinda bubbling around in my head, but I know my parents would never let me do that. They would feel too guilty. But they shouldn't, cause that scenario has a lot of perks for me as well. But yeah, no, they won't let it happen. But so far  it's been my only solution.

Meanwhile, my sister and I are prepping our house to go on the market, counting down to Disney, and trying not to eat everything in sight. So continues my life...

I happen to like nice men.

With so many snow days, it was inevitable that I get myself hooked on a show.

Okay well no that's not fair cause seriously I have not been watching shows recently, like ANY shows. I started Arrow but that was like "meh" and Supernatural and Doctor Who are, like "so last year". IDK who I am anymore.

So no, it was not inevitable. But it happened.

::facepalm::

I finally, finally watched season 3 of Once Upon A Time, and let me just tell you how rediculously I am attracted to Killian Jones.

I mean, this is unhealthy.

My sister and I were watching a different show today and out of nowhere she was like "You haven't seen Hook today, have you?" and I was like "It's better that way" but then she pulls up his IMDB page and flashes it in front of me and....and....

Yeah this needs to stop.

It's like Jonas Armstrong and Jensen Ackles never even happened.

(though my sister did point out that he does sort of look like Jonas)

::cries a little bit::

My only consolation is that work begins again tomorrow and hopefully the snow is gone and my life will get all crazy and stressful and everything will go back to normal where I cry about lots of other things.

Cause, need I remind you, my life is CRAZY. I do not have time for fictional pirates or their guyliner.

I don't know what all this trouble is about, but I'm sure it must be your fault.

This blog is....not happening like I planned.

Well I guess I should have expected this. I was never a good journal keeper, except for on my mission. I wrote every day on my mission. But of course I never reread that journal cause wow why would I want to remember that?

There is literally no excuse for why I haven't been writing in this or any other journal. The past month has been FULL of snow days (or cold days) and I have been going crazy with the free time. One day I even started baking. Whoa.

And here we are with another storm outside (ice and sleet) and I'm wasting away another Sunday. I actually sat down to organize my church music, but through a series of random events, found myself on the Star Wars wikipedia page, reading all about what has happened in the EU since I stopped reading the books. OMG SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. Mara DIED (which I had heard about but I think denied so much that I had blocked it from my memory), Jacen turned to the dark side (and killed Mara and I weep), and Jaina had to kill Jacen, and Jacen had a baby with Tenal Ka (asdfghjkl), and Jaina GOT MARRIED to JAG (honestly did not see that coming). After reading through a lot of the new information, a part of me was like "holy cow i need to start reading these books again" but then another part of me was like "dude, liisa, you've had 10 books sitting on your desk for the past two years that you still haven't picked up and read. there is no way you are getting through one star wars book, not to mention the 20+ ones you haven't read." So yeah, there's that. It made me pretty sad to see yet another part of my life that is over and done with. I mean, Star Wars was a BIG part of my life and I'm sure it always will be, but it, like CONSUMED my life through middle and high school and even into college. It's just really weird how the obsession suddenly just stopped. There were others that came and went, but I think Star Wars was, by far, the longest and most consuming. I remember watching the movies over and over and over and OVER again, I don't know how my parents put up with it. And the fanfiction and earning money to buy all the books (ugh I had so many books, SO MANY) and even trying to do fanart at one time (that was horrifying). Wow.

But of course I still get butterflies in my stomach and slightly lightheaded when I watch the teaser trailer for the new Star Wars movie. So something is still there, apparently :p

But yes, onto real life. Real life is IEPs and progress reports and behavior interventions and reinforcer development and so, so, so much patience that I do not have yet. I lost it the other day with one of my students and when I went into school the next day I apologised to my IAs for how I had acted and both of them were like "We don't think you did anything wrong" but I was still just like "that kid is going to the celestial kingdom and he's going to remember how I shouted at him" ::sigh:: Some days are better than others of course. I need to start keeping a little "good moments" journal to jot down all the successes I have so that I can remember them on the hard days. Cause I do have success, but it's so little and it is often lost in the midst of the battles I don't win.

Real life is also GMU, which is going pretty well. I've got two projects already out of the way and just a few papers of the semester left. It hasn't been too horrible, the dreaded group project is done (we nailed it and got 100%) and while it's hard being in class till 10pm every Tuesday, it makes the rest of the week more bearable when it's over. I'm just about halfway done with school so that's also a plus.

Real life is also DISNEY. TWENTY FIVE DAYS AWAY. AHHHHHH. It cannot come soon enough. As my sister and I were walking in from church this afternoon, she commented how awful it would be if one of us fell (on the ice) and our Disney trip was affected. I panicked and started walking painstakingly slow cause NOTHING is going to ruin this Disney trip. NOTHING.

I had big plans, but then the internet happened.

I just have to geek out for a minute cause ZOMG NEW JURASSIC WORLD TRAILER

STAR LORD IS TRAINING RARTORS.

HE IS TRAINING. RAPTORS.

::dies::

In other geeky news, I started watching "Grimm" with my sister cause my other sister was like "Ah it's the best show ever" and so we watched it but were both, like horrified at how scary it was and wow. Also my other, other sister says Arrow is pretty awesome and since that has now been confirmed from all the people I trust in the world, I guess I will try to watch it again.

BUT YOU GUYS.

JURASSIC WORLD.

FOR SERIOUS.

(this has not been a real post. this has been Liisa needing a quick outlet for geekiness. RL is still very serious and boring and sometimes sad and scary and she spent the last two hours of her life ignoring all that and pretending she was 16 again.)

edit: AND THEN I SEE THIS ON MY FACEBOOK FEED



IS THAT BB DEAN?????
WAT IS HAPPENING?
ALL THE FANFICTION.
THAT IS WHAT'S HAPPENING.
Maybe I need to start watching that show again....

I only work in black and sometimes very, very dark grey

I can't breathe, ohmygoodness

Anywho.

Yeah I'm still alive. To be fair, I have been writing in my "not online" journal much better. But we'll see how long that lasts. If I ever get famous and people look back over my life and read through my journals and papers, they are really going to know a lot about the Januaries of my life...but not much else :p Usually by February I am done with that whole "journal" thing.

Of course life is crazy. And it just keeps getting crazier. Classes at GMU started yesterday and it actually wasn't too bad. I mean, it's a long Tuesday: work from 8-4, class from 4:15-10, and then home and sleep, but the two classes I'm taking this year actually seem very doable. Not a lot of busywork and memorization that's not going to help me at all, but you know, projects and papers and discussions that actually sound like they will be helpful in my classroom. YAY.

Speaking of my classroom, it's insane. Just when I think I can be on top of everything, I realize there's a volcano about to blow right under my feet. Only six students but I feel so incredibly responsible for their development that it literally keeps me up at night and gives me panic attacks.

• All my kids are stubborn but I've just recently started seeing the stubbornness in one and he is reeaaaaally pushing my buttons, like won't listen to me AT ALL, unless it's exactly what he wants to do in the moment and I know that he knows what to do but he is deliberately not following directions, so today we only had 4 kids so I was like "Boo Yah" I can wait you out today and I DID. the last two hours of class were me making him stand in front of me, trying to get him to clap. THIS KID CAN CLAP, OKAY? He has done it hundreds, nay, THOUSANDS of times and he loves it, but he just really didn't want to clap (follow the direction) that day, so I decided to show him I can be stubborn too and he missed recess and story circle and book area because, well, CLAP. ARGH. At one point I was actually holding his wrists close together and he was spreading his hands back, preventing them from clapping, or then he would like tap his middle fingers together or fist bump or start shaking his hands and I was like asdfghjkasflksdfkjdsn UGH SO DONE WITH THAT CHILD. I mean the bus came and I had to send him home, but there is a new day tomorrow and now he knows that I mean business. I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER, CHILD. YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THAT HERE, NO SIR.

• I have one kid on a gluten free diet, not cause he's allergic, just to help with behaviors, and I let him eat a cupcake for a kid's b-day last week and didn't think much of it cause I'd asked his mom before and she said every once in a while was okay and so I was like whatever let the kid have a cupcake, but then on Monday she writes this note like "I didn't finish writing you the note about the cupcake but let's talk later this week, and I'm now panicking because WHY COULDN'T SHE FINISH THE NOTE?? Was it too long to finish cause she was so upset or angry and why does she want to meet, is she going to tell the principal omg I'm going to //loose my job//, and of course the rest of the day I'm just having panic attacks thinking about it and I can't think of anything else but then when I talk to her at the end of the day it was really not that big a deal, BUT THINGS LIKE THIS STRESS ME OUT. I FEEL TOO RESPONSIBLE.

I still have those moments where I think "wow, why on earth am I doing this job?" and that's a little worrying to me, but honestly, too late to back out now! Maybe after a few years of doing my time in a PAC classroom I will be able to teach a class-based preschool and that would just be lovely...like a breath of fresh air.

Oh and I'm also on a diet/cleanse this week. Don't I sound a little hungry to you?

WELL I AM.

I put on an episode of BBC Robin Hood tonight while my sister and I made/ate dinner and our colorful commentary on the complete and utter ridiculousness of the plot of that show was quite enjoyable. I mean, I love it, but it has got to be one of the most cheesy shows ever. I LOVE IT.

You ladies are such a breath of fresh air.

A new year, a new everything.

Why do we always wait for a new year to make resolutions? I'm as guilty as everyone else. It's so ridiculous. Instead of saying "Hey, I should start exercising today" I say, "Hey, on January 1st, I'm gonna start exercising." What a lazy, lazy people we are.

But hey, on January 1st I started exercising.

3 days down, w00t w00t.

Christmas involved a spoon-on-nose competition which the 3-year-old won.

 

Eric the Red got a new friend from Grandma. Wasn't sure that he'd enjoy the company (we actually thought he might just attack it), but he has been hanging out next to it since I put it in his tank.

In an effort to entertain our parents and get them out of the house, we drove down to Harper's Ferry and explored yet another historical landmark that I've lived next to my whole life but have never visited.

My big Christmas gift this year was a guitar and another resolution is to practice 30 minutes a day on the guitar. That's probably the biggest resolution I've ever made because I have this annoying habit of not sticking to stuff and while no one sticks to diet/exercise routines, I am going to learn the guitar and prove myself wrong. After quitting almost every undertaking in my entire life, we're going to make 2015 the year that Liisa didn't quit anything (I gave my bunny away in 2014 so that is okay. omg I can't even commit to having a pet, what is wrong with me?).

Winter Break is almost over and it's that familiar feeling of "Yeah okay I could go back to work, I've been bored for a few days" mingled with that other familiar feeling of "NO I WANT TO BE BORED FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER." Thankfully GMU doesn't start back up for a few weeks, so I can gradually ease into being a responsible adult again.

I saw many movies this break and spent so much money. I spent SO. MUCH. MONEY. Who in the world do I think I am? I actually sat down and started reading a book one day during the break, but even when I literally have nothing else to be doing, I feel like my brain is just like "Nope nope you can't read this is such a waste of time stop doing this." Watching tv or listening to music can be done simultaneously with other activities, but reading is very all-consuming, at least it is with me. I've had new books stacking on my shelf to be read for the past year and it's embarrassing. My sister said "Well if you haven't read them by now, maybe you don't want to read them" and I guess that might be true, but I do! I do want to read them, I just feel like...I don't know, like I shouldn't or like it's a waste of time, which is probably the stupidest thing I've ever thought because literally 15 minutes ago I was watching episodes of The Office while I organized a drawer that didn't need to be organized and played on my Nintendo DS. I mean, if we're talking about a waste of time, I've got a degree in that. My priorities are just all mixed up.

While I was sitting through all those movies in the theater (six, I saw six movies in 2 weeks), watching the same trailers over and over again, I did have a thought that I'm sure was very unoriginal, but it got me thinking like a high schooler again: All these stories about "the chosen one" and how they're just this ordinary person thrust into these extraordinary circumstances...don't you want to read a story about the person who wasn't chosen? The person sitting or fighting on the sidelines who no body knows about or really cares about, and see the "hero's" journey through their eyes? I dunno, that thought kind struck me, cause that's how I see myself, the invisible cheerleader way in the back of the stands. Everyone's got a story right? Maybe that person's story isn't as interesting as the hero's, but it seems like since the vast majority of the world is full of people who are wholly "unspecial", that would be something to interest them. I'm sure it's been done, it must have, and maybe it really wasn't exciting enough for people to care, but someone needs to write that trilogy so that I can read it.