Anywho.
Yeah I'm still alive. To be fair, I have been writing in my "not online" journal much better. But we'll see how long that lasts. If I ever get famous and people look back over my life and read through my journals and papers, they are really going to know a lot about the Januaries of my life...but not much else :p Usually by February I am done with that whole "journal" thing.
Of course life is crazy. And it just keeps getting crazier. Classes at GMU started yesterday and it actually wasn't too bad. I mean, it's a long Tuesday: work from 8-4, class from 4:15-10, and then home and sleep, but the two classes I'm taking this year actually seem very doable. Not a lot of busywork and memorization that's not going to help me at all, but you know, projects and papers and discussions that actually sound like they will be helpful in my classroom. YAY.
Speaking of my classroom, it's insane. Just when I think I can be on top of everything, I realize there's a volcano about to blow right under my feet. Only six students but I feel so incredibly responsible for their development that it literally keeps me up at night and gives me panic attacks.
- All my kids are stubborn but I've just recently started seeing the stubbornness in one and he is reeaaaaally pushing my buttons, like won't listen to me AT ALL, unless it's exactly what he wants to do in the moment and I know that he knows what to do but he is deliberately not following directions, so today we only had 4 kids so I was like "Boo Yah" I can wait you out today and I DID. the last two hours of class were me making him stand in front of me, trying to get him to clap. THIS KID CAN CLAP, OKAY? He has done it hundreds, nay, THOUSANDS of times and he loves it, but he just really didn't want to clap (follow the direction) that day, so I decided to show him I can be stubborn too and he missed recess and story circle and book area because, well, CLAP. ARGH. At one point I was actually holding his wrists close together and he was spreading his hands back, preventing them from clapping, or then he would like tap his middle fingers together or fist bump or start shaking his hands and I was like asdfghjkasflksdfkjdsn UGH SO DONE WITH THAT CHILD. I mean the bus came and I had to send him home, but there is a new day tomorrow and now he knows that I mean business. I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER, CHILD. YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THAT HERE, NO SIR.
- I have one kid on a gluten free diet, not cause he's allergic, just to help with behaviors, and I let him eat a cupcake for a kid's b-day last week and didn't think much of it cause I'd asked his mom before and she said every once in a while was okay and so I was like whatever let the kid have a cupcake, but then on Monday she writes this note like "I didn't finish writing you the note about the cupcake but let's talk later this week, and I'm now panicking because WHY COULDN'T SHE FINISH THE NOTE?? Was it too long to finish cause she was so upset or angry and why does she want to meet, is she going to tell the principal omg I'm going to //loose my job//, and of course the rest of the day I'm just having panic attacks thinking about it and I can't think of anything else but then when I talk to her at the end of the day it was really not that big a deal, BUT THINGS LIKE THIS STRESS ME OUT. I FEEL TOO RESPONSIBLE.
I still have those moments where I think "wow, why on earth am I doing this job?" and that's a little worrying to me, but honestly, too late to back out now! Maybe after a few years of doing my time in a PAC classroom I will be able to teach a class-based preschool and that would just be lovely...like a breath of fresh air.
Oh and I'm also on a diet/cleanse this week. Don't I sound a little hungry to you?
WELL I AM.
I put on an episode of BBC Robin Hood tonight while my sister and I made/ate dinner and our colorful commentary on the complete and utter ridiculousness of the plot of that show was quite enjoyable. I mean, I love it, but it has got to be one of the most cheesy shows ever. I LOVE IT.
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